For many years I felt very uncomfortable and nervous at the thought of cocktail parties, business socials, or events where I would be thrown into a room of people I didn’t know.

It was so far out of my comfort zone I created reasons to avoid such occasions.  If I couldn’t find a way out, I would devise a way to slip out as quickly as I could. I didn’t see these as windows of opportunity, but as windows to jump out of and run away.

Yet deep down I knew that one of the most important skills to develop in business and life today is networking. 

Our ability to easily connect with people and build meaningful relationships swiftly can do more to generate tremendously significant WOOs than perhaps any other proficiency we can develop.  I am eternally grateful to my great friend John Locke for helping me see networking with completely different eyes.

John is the best networker I know.  Everyone seems to know and admire him because he exemplifies the four secrets to the power of relationships: seek to give rather than get; ask more than tell; be a passionate presence; and follow-up beyond expectation.

When John meets people, he is genuinely interested in them.  People love that. He is full of questions and keenly observant about what’s important to them. He truly wants to hear their answers and then he actually listens before he formulates his responses, one of the most powerful relationship skills there is.  He taught me to remember that we have two eyes, two ears, and only one mouth— and how important it is to maintain that ratio in our interactions.

John is not looking for what he can get from another person, but what he can give. 

As he listens, he looks for connections that will serve that individual. He asks, and rarely tells. He instantly creates trust with the other person because we can sense that his wheels are turning to discover WOOs for us. He clearly seeks to serve, and service is love in action.  He is excited about building connections for others without thinking about what it will bring him. And there is a natural law he puts into effect through this authentic desire to serve: “Whenever we seek to enrich another’s experience, we can’t help but enrich our own.”

What happens when we apply John’s networking principles?  When we ask more than tell it becomes much easier to be fully present, because we’re not caught up in worrying about what we’re going to say next.  It is a difference—even a dramatic shift—that is palpable to the person with whom we are talking. By seeking first to serve and understand rather than seeking to be understood, we build great rapport and trust.  We help others feel important and interesting.  The other magical benefit of this kind of extraordinary networking is that for people like me, who have long felt uncomfortable in networking situations, it puts us at ease.  It takes the pressure off and moves us from ego to “we go.”

But John goes a step further. 

He is what I call passionately present.  When you are speaking with John you feel as though you are the most important person on the planet. Have you been around people who make you feel extraordinarily special and appreciated?  How do they do this? This extraordinary level of presence is born from John’s deep fascination with other people.  He loves to listen to others’ stories, because of his belief that there is something remarkable, unique, and impressive about every individual.  This belief, combined with his passion to serve, leaves those he talks to with the unmistakable sense that he truly cares about us whenever we interact with him.

It is John’s uncanny follow-up however, that truly cements his place as the best networker I know.  Because he has been so fully present with us, he remembers key elements of our conversations. He internalizes what is important to us, key details we discussed, and ways he can serve us.  So, when he follows-up with a phone call, a face-to-face meeting, text, or email, he injects those very personal and significant points into his communication. We appreciate how remarkably well he listened; this is a man who walks his talk when it comes to following through on promises and commitments.

When you seek to give rather than get, ask more than tell, are passionately present; and follow-up beyond expectation, what do you think happens to the way we view “networking?”  Guided by these simple principles, we relish the opportunity to meet new people and learn how we can serve them.  We build trust and respect naturally through our authentic love of giving.  And others will want to reciprocate because we have shown them that we feel they truly matter.

The results are dynamic WOOs for us, and everyone we touch.