Since sales is based on relationships, if your prospects do not first know and like you, they will not trust you. To sell requires trust. No trust = No Sale. Unfortunately, decade after decade, sales training programs teach to sell first and then build relationships later. This approach is the same as seeing someone on the street who you find attractive, yet do not know, and asking them to marry you – without so much as asking to meet for coffee first.

It is not beyond reason to expect that if you meet enough strangers, you might find a person who is lonely or curious enough to say YES to you. Time and time again, though, you will be told NO.

Sometimes it just happens — you may bond over a mutual love of dogs or a portfolio case (yes, that really happened to me. Someone liked the style of my portfolio case and offered me a job, which I took and enjoyed immensely), and next thing you know, you are talking daily about something of interest to you both.

But most often it takes time. There is a natural process of building a strong connection with another human being that is soul-satisfying and ‘comfortable’ to you both. It is the process of identifying if you are in alignment with each other’s core values…do you fit into each other’s comfort zones?

Creating a close and trusting connection takes time. Two hundred hours, in fact, according to a 2018 study. It is the process of following the stages of the Know, Like, and Trust Principle.

KNOW:

This is the stage we are first introducing ourselves to the other person. It’s important to start the relationship slowly, yet it’s time to disclose something meaningful about yourself and see if your new friend or prospective customer will do the same.

LIKE:

This is the stage where we find out if we ‘tick to the same beat.’ Are we in alignment with each other’s core values? Is what we are selling likely to solve their problems and meet their needs.

During this stage, it’s important to lighten up, explore and allow the exchange of authentic thoughts and feelings. This allows our prospective customers to develop a sense of being safe with us. Experience this stage as an opportunity for discovery.

It’s too early to start asking for a purchase. There is not enough trust built yet.

It is during this stage that we demonstrate whether we are trustworthy or not.

These are the ways both parties demonstrate their trustworthiness according to psychologists:

• Honor and keep our own commitments and agreements
• Clearly communicate requests when making agreements
• Have realistic expectations instead of greedy desires
• Have the courage to say ‘No’ when something is not in alignment
• Maintain our own strong boundaries while showing empathy to the other person
• Tell the truth about our actions and feelings
• Admit mistakes and solutions for correcting them
• Be positive, calm, and confident
• Listen carefully to the other person and respond promptly and appropriately with respect and consideration
• Offer support and ideas rather than ‘self-promotions and product advertisements’
• Provide multiple channels of communication for ease of access – phone number, email, social media sites, etc.

Above all…always remember the quote attributed to Theodore Roosevelt…no one cares how much we know. They only want to know how much we care. During the stage of LIKE, it is essential to consistently demonstrate how much we genuinely care for the other person.

TRUST:

We arrive at this stage by being consistently reliable in practicing the activities suggested during the LIKE stage. And, as the salesperson, you have as much right to expect your prospective customers to practice these trust-building activities too. “Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.”—Albert Einstein Trust-building requires both parties to be able to live within the same comfort zone circumference – satisfyingly in alignment -- with neither one being bent out of shape to be in relationship with the other.

Why is that important? Because in our fast-paced, no-time-to-think world, the majority of people feel unappreciated, taken for granted, and unseen.

Believe it or not…despite being more connected than ever through social media, a recent survey of more than 2,000 American adults found 72 percent report having felt a sense of loneliness, with nearly a third (31 percent) experiencing loneliness at least once a week.

An experiment to test the importance and quality of acknowledgment was done in Japan. Families placed three jars of rice and water by their front door. Each morning and night they would say “I love you” to the first jar, “You fool” to the second jar, and they ignored the third jar completely. After a week, the first jar began to ferment and grow, the second jar started to turn black and the third jar they had ignored was totally dead.

This experiment has direct application to people around the globe. So many are craving social interaction. This is good news for those of us in sales – whether meeting in person or choosing to build an audience through social media. The everyday practice of acknowledging people who engage with us as an important element in creating trust during the sales process is reinforced by the Harvard Business Review, which conducted a series of studies on the topic.

The studies reinforce trust is built slowly through consistent, positive engagement as reported in this HBR article from June, 2021. The studies prove acknowledging the emotions of others can foster trust. The act of verbally recognizing someone else’s feelings is perceived as an effortful act and can help form deeper connections with them.

But, when an emotional acknowledgment is seen as motivated by selfish reasons it is not as effective. That type of acknowledgment is perceived as being done with an ulterior motive, rather than to sincerely be helpful.

One of the key engagement activities and an effective way to show acknowledgment is to ask thoughtful questions and carefully listen to the response, which demonstrates an interest in truly connecting with the person. There is a study, which showed customers are willing to spend up to 20% more on an item from a business that responds to their customer service tweet. 20% more!

Another reports, 92% of customers are likely to continue using a company once their service issues are resolved during the first attempt at resolution versus 51% with no first-call resolution.

All that said, if you want to build trust faster, make sure you use their name with respect. Dale Carnegie is quoted as saying, “Nothing is as beautiful to a person as the sound of their own name.” And we all know how successful Dale Carnegie was in making sales!

Yet, the amount of carelessness shown with people’s names is simply astounding. My name is often misspelled in communications…even when the correct spelling is provided by the social media site (for example, in Facebook Messenger) to the person. Always make it a practice to ask someone what name they prefer to be called. And by all means, if you do not know how to pronounce the person’s name…ASK for instructions. Don’t try to pretend that you know. It just makes you look foolish and like a ‘know-it-all.’ And who ever likes a ‘know-it-all?

If you engaged well and built and found where you and your prospect align, you are now ready to offer your products and/or services. This is the point at which your prospects are likely to say YES to you because they trust you. They feel you have their best interests at heart. They believe in what you believe in. If you like the product or service, they believe they will too. Now it’s time to ask for the sale. And not ever before this moment!

But, most people in sales don’t get to experience this moment because they started selling (‘pitching’) as the first step, hoping to get the person to respond, and lastly hoping to eventually build a long-term relationship with the prospect. Doing sales this way is what gets good salespeople labeled as ‘pushy,’ and ‘spammy.’ So, don’t sell out on yourself by selling to your prospects too early.

Does This Take Time?

YES…building relationships that will ultimately end in a YES will take some time. If you don’t have the time to build a friendship, you don’t have time to be a successful salesperson. The key is being consistent daily.

The old ABCs of Selling was ‘Always Be Closing.’ Is it any wonder that salespeople are considered ‘pushy’ and ‘spammy’? This is not the consistency based on alignment.

Consider the ‘New ABC’s of Selling’: Alignment, Belief, Consistency. Each one is a keep element in my proprietary